Oh, NOW I see why the glue stick hasn't been working!

Why, Claire? Why?

It started out of the blue. Without warning.

I was driving around with my six-year-old, Claire.

Suddenly, she seemed to remember something. Something that disturbed her.

She rolled the window down...

And then, without any explanation, yelled:

That's right: You owe me a banana.
Punk.

I was like, "What the heck, Claire! What are you saying?"

But she just laughed and laughed.

Then, whenever the car got close to someone, she would get serious and yell it again: "You owe me a banana, punk!"

She shouted at joggers.



She tried to collect from parents and kids.

She even accused a cop of owing her this alleged banana.

This went on for several days, whenever I forgot to lock Claire's car window. And my eight-year-old, Kate, was no help at all. She would notice that we were driving up to someone and shout, "Claire! Doesn't that person owe you a banana??"

Indeed they did.



Thankfully, the whole thing has pretty much died down. But a few times a week, Claire will get that look...



... and I know she's going to try and collect on the damn banana.

Personally, I don't believe anyone owes her any fruit. So I will continue to thwart her attempts to yell at innocent bystanders.

But who knows? Maybe one of these days I'll be proven wrong.

The Whole Advent Calendar Thing

At first you think it's going to work. This whole Advent calendar thing.

But inevitably...

The next year you try again. Your kid is a whole year older, after all.

The conversation goes well. Sort of.

Then on December 1, it begins. Your kid is so happy to get a treat. But hey, you know what's even better than one treat? TWO TREATS. Or even... 24 TREATS! They're all just sitting there, waiting to be eaten. Plus they are hidden behind cute little tear-out doors or windows; or stuffed into cute little pockets. It's too much to take!

There is begging...

Singing...

Non-violent protesting...

Then at some point your child is left alone with the advent calendar. And that's when you start to receive these messages, yelled down the hall.

You know where this is headed. You know.

So what's the solution? There's really only one course of action you can take.
Twenty four calendars.

I should really find out what's going on at that place

I was talking to my 8-year-old, the other day, and we were discussing riots. What they are, why they happen, etc. Suddenly my 5-year-old chimes in with this bit of news:

I replied:

Her response:

I wonder...

Claire, a couple days ago:

Graduation Day!

My daughter graduates from preschool on Thursday. And here's how the whole thing will go down, according to her...

From the "Thanks for the Vote of Confidence" file...

So I give Claire (age 5) her dinner tonight.

She looks at it for a long time. Studies it intently.


Then she finally asks: