Deception with Coffee

So you’re heading to the movies this weekend. And you’re thinking that it would be nice to enjoy a cup of Starbucks coffee while you’re watching the film. (I know! I’m reading your mind!)

Well, hold on, Bub. Taking coffee into a movie theater is not a simple matter. NOT AT ALL.

Read on – and learn from my story.

It was a Saturday. Two friends and I decided to get all crazy and go see a movie. We would definitely be out after 10:00 p.m. Maybe after 11:00 p.m.

Like I said: crazy.

So to help stay awake, we stopped by Starbucks on the way to the theater and ordered up our favorite drinks.

As we were standing there, something alarming occurred to me.

Sneak it in?? I was unsettled.

I should mention here that I take rules very seriously. Whenever I hear a new rule, my instinct is to follow it to the letter -- and never stop following it. (I know: Nerd alert!) Sensing my hesitation, my friend told me that she sneaks stuff into the theater all the time.

“When I take the kids to a movie, I bring my big purse and stuff it with sandwiches, chips, fruit, Tupperware, water, juice boxes, toys, blankets, pillows, books, aero-mattresses – everything!” she informed me. “And I always get in."

So fine – we would sneak the coffee in. Essentially, this means resting the coffee cup VERY GENTLY in your purse (men, consider bringing a European carryall). You have to position it just so—wedged between your wallet, keys, etc.—so it doesn’t spill.

We arrived at the theater and I situated my coffee. Then I realized: it is really hard to walk when you’re trying to balance contraband coffee in your purse. I was all hunched over, taking tiny little shuffling steps. Shuffle shuffle. Shuffle shuffle.

And I had to keep checking to make sure there were no spills or splashes.

My friends, who were clearly more advanced in these matters, were getting impatient.

As I inched toward the theater I started to think about what could go wrong. I was growing concerned. SO MUCH COULD GO WRONG.

Before I knew it, I was in front of the ticket guy. It was GO time. I slowly and unsuspiciously pivoted around so I was facing away from him. Then I reached back and handed him the ticket.

He seemed highly alert--like he might call the authorities at any moment. But I think my inventive move threw him off.

I hunch/shuffled my way through the lobby, into the theater, down the aisle and into my seat. Shuffle shuffle. Shuffle shuffle. Sit.

The deception had gone off without a hitch.

Or had it? That ticket guy was sharp – and even though I had acted calm, cool and collected, he still may have suspected something. Probably best to place the contraband under the seat in front of me and just forget about it entirely. I might miss out on some good coffee, but at least I would see my kids again.