Troubling.

A while back I wrote a post about a little-known magazine called Sisters, Pow!

It was a magazine that I created when I was 10. Or maybe 13. I really don't know. Anyway, the magazine was all about sibling rivalry. And it was a topic I took very seriously.

You can imagine the scene: Me, in my bedroom, hunched over my desk. Probably fresh off a fight with my little sister, Jamie (a fight I no doubt lost). So there I am, scribbling like a crazy person. Detailing the ways I would finally, finally get my sister -- and get her good.

In the link above you can find the magazine's Table of Contents, as well as a disturbing sketch of my "ideal fighting outfit."

Today, I will share more content from this potentially award-winning magazine (if I had entered it in any contests, maybe it would have won. We'll never know.)

This is content that, until now, no one has seen. Except for my parents, my sister and probably a mental health specialist.

I present...

Page 3: A chilling tale called "Who WILL Win?"


Allow me to reprint the story here. I left in any misspellings or grammatical errors. This is the real deal, people:

Who WILL Win?
I thought I was safe. I was wrong.

Peeking my head into the empty hall, I saw that I was safe, for the momment. In a few quick strides I was in my sisters empty room. Empty except for one thing... her. At first I didn't notice, the room was so dark! But then when I heard her voice... I froze.

"It's YOU. I knew you'd come!" she whispered harshly. The lights were thrown on and I noticed that she was pounding her fist into her hand... HARD! Then before I could even blink WHOOSH!!! I was flipped over her head and laying on the ground out of breath. As I struggled up to get her, she suddenly...

to be continued.

Yep. That's how the story ended. I was trying something new in the literary world - this whole "breaking a story off in the middle of a sentence." I don't think that style really caught on.

Anyway, later, on page 5, I share strategies for how to... well, the headline explains:


I won't subject you to all the ways. But here are a few -- in case you're planning to see your sibling this weekend and want to try some of them out.


Note: very important to have an "alaby."



This one says: "Go to where your parents can hear you, slap your arm and say 'ow' run back into where your sister is and get tangled up in her and your mom thinks she did it so she gets Busted!!!"

(Evidently, I was so excited by this strategy, I forgot to use periods.)

So there you go. More never-before-seen content from Sisters, Pow!

Clearly, I'm troubled. I have problems that go way beyond my inability to swallow rice or blink. But we all knew that, right?

I did offer up one intelligent bit of advice at the end of Sisters, Pow! "Fighting can be prevented by seperating your kids for the rest of their natural lives," I wrote. "But after that," I added ominously, "who knows?"